Sharpening Your Writing Skills While Having Fun

Amid all the dire economics and cutbacks, both real and inflicted, I think we still need to take a time-out for humor or a smile, so here goes. This is, verbatim, an email I received March 15, 1984, from my brother who worked at a company called Digital Equipment Corporation. I was probably on MCI Mail [anybody remember MCI Mail? - flat monthly fee, plus a per-character charge for both incoming and outgoing messages, PLUS connect time charges. Look at the progresss we've made!] But I digress, and as well all know, digressions should be examined as they may deviate from the main point....

HOW TO WRITE GOOD
by Sally Bulford
(reprinted without permission from somewhere)

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like the feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

By the way, I don't think there was a real Sally Bulford, so feel free to share this with others without fear of copyright infringement.

Cheers,
Jack

Jack B. Rochester is a professional writer and editor who has worked in nearly every aspect of publishing since 1974. He heads Joshua Tree Interactive, and is Managing Editor of The Business Insider blog.

Comments

[Business Writing and Editing]

Thank you, Jack.

I enjoyed these and will use them in my business writing and editing workshops for comic relief.

You can add "It's always wrong to generalize" to the list.

Best regards,
Michael Gladkoff